Monday, May 14, 2018

We're Pregnant! TTC, Surprising Tayler & The Dreaded First Trimester

First of all I wanted to say THANK YOU for all the love about our announcement, it was so nice to see that the people we love are just as excited as we are! I wanted to share a post all about our journey of getting pregnant (because it was not as smooth as I thought it would be), when I found out, how I told Tayler, and how miserable the first trimester was for me so I can be adequately prepared for the next baby:) Warning this is a longer, personal post that includes pregnancy words such as “period” and “conception” and “vomiting” ;)

TTC: Trying to Conceive

Tayler and I decided that we wanted to start trying for kids back in December of 2016. For the first few months we weren’t worried, but when the 9 month mark passed I started stressing. I realized that if we had been one of the lucky couples who say “Oh we got pregnant the first time!” we would have a baby in our arms already. We tried to reassure ourselves that it would happen when it was suppose to, and if it didn’t there were still options for parenthood, but that year of waiting and wanting was really really difficult. We wondered if our dream of babies, something we always assumed would happen, was even a possibility. I visited an OBGYN in January after we’d been trying for a year, and he mentioned that a healthy couple trying for a year is classified as infertile. Gulp. I tried to maintain my composure after he said that, but hearing "infertile" from a doctor's mouth confirmed one of my deepest fears. He briefly went over the standard procedures, like testing hormones and sperm count to try to pinpoint where an issue might be. He ended up prescribing me Clomid, an ovulation stimulator which I would start taking in February this year. I waited patiently for my period to start so that I could begin my first doses of Clomid, but my period never came. In between that appointment and my next expected period, I had become pregnant.

Finding Out and Telling Tayler

On Wednesday, February, 7th, I came home from class surprised that my period was now 3 days late. I’ve gotten my hopes up before for a late period only to be bitterly disappointed, so I tried to cap all my emotions and took a pregnancy test as calmly as if I was just taking my temperature. I set a timer, and walked out of the bathroom to put dishes away while the test developed. My phone buzzed two minutes later and my stomach flipped. I had to restrain myself from sprinting to the bathroom. And there was my test, an obvious positive. I just started crying I was so happy.
Tayler came home from baseball practice around 7pm, and I tried to act cool because I wanted to record his response. I even told him that my period had started earlier that day. Looking back I wish I had the tests with me when I told him because obviously he wanted to see the proof, but I’ve attached the video below. BTW fully aware that my videography skills are nonexistent but I wanted the memory anyways.
If the video isn't working, here's a link to it on Youtube.

The First Trimester: Details About Being Sick & Miserable

I am sure that one of the reasons why it took us a while to get pregnant was so that I could fully appreciate the miracle of being pregnant, because the first trimester was so challenging. To preface it, I have never been good at enduring when I don’t feel well. Whether cold or hungry or sleep deprived or sick, I really struggle thinking positively. Unfortunately pregnancy combines a few of those things together for an extended period of time. Right when I got pregnant I started experiencing insomnia. I have been a champion sleeper my whole life, falling asleep immediately and never waking during the night, so it was devastating for me to wake up several times and stay awake for hours, especially when I was so fatigued by all the changes in my body.

Week by Week...

At 5 weeks, I started experiencing nausea and intense food aversions. I literally hated food for the entire months of February and March, not a single food in the world sounded good BUT I was also starving all the time. I choked down Eggo waffles, frozen burritos, strawberries, and Uncrustables. At 7 weeks I started throwing up when I smelled strong scents or stayed up later than 9pm. At 9 weeks it peaked and I was sick up to 8 times a day, which is when I started taking Diclegis, a pill for nausea and vomiting. I have since moved to a Unisom and B6, which are the same ingredients just in smaller doses. At 12 weeks I started feeling better and I’ve felt pretty good since! I still have to go to bed before 10pm or I’ll get sick, and I do have to eat about every two hours but I feel like myself again, both physically and emotionally. Tayler was such a champ that whole time, sometimes I would just cry on the couch because I didn’t know how I could endure being sick and useless for 5 more weeks. He was patient and kind and refilled my water bottles and brought me saltines. But bleh even just writing this is reminding me of just how horrible it was to have flu symptoms for two months straight. I’m grateful I won’t experience that again for a while.

Pregnancy is such a blessing but also such an alienating experience. In those first weeks, often the hardest part of pregnancy besides birth, you are not supposed to tell anyone but you are also so in need of help and support. Guilt was a popular emotion during that time, because after a year of infertility I realized how lucky we are to be able to conceive naturally and how ungrateful it was for me to complain about it. Looking back on that time I am much more sympathetic for my First Trimester self, and I wish I would have been kinder to myself. The truth is, pregnancy is hard and full of long-suffering. It is also beautiful and empowering and magical to be a part of something so much bigger than yourself. To be a mom has been my life goal, and now it's coming true. Tayler and I can barely contain our excitement, sometimes we can't sleep because we are so caught up in thinking about our little one. We are so grateful to have the opportunity to be parents and to share the family we've created with our baby. 
Including this picture because it makes me laugh...haha scratching our heads wondering how this parenthood thing is all going to go over;)

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